I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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