I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
