wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
