You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
