Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
