My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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