Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
