Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
