hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
