she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have feelings that need drinking.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
