I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
