i just wanna soil my oats bro
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
