oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize