In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
