I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
