in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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