when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
