i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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