My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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