i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
