So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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