just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you will always have a special place in my vag
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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