I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
