hotel room ftw
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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