i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
