Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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