just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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