I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
