I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
