I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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