after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
