i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
