fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
