I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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