so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
