I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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