I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
