Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
