Moan for me like Helen Keller
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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