Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
