i already hear my dad disowning me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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