Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize