Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
