i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
