I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
