I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
