I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm at about main and main street
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
