Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
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So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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