i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
