i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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