plz talk dirty to me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
