i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
