Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
