should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
