he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
