Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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