I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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