DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
