I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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