Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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