you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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