Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
false alarm, still single
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
