There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize