try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
