i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
