I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
