i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
