I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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