Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
