Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
