We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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